I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These tits shall not be calmed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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