Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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