she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
