I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
