Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
