I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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