So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
