you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
