I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
