so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
wanna go halves on a baby?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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