Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
