I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
