I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
