I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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