So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
