Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I cut my penus on the lid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize