He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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