so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
