I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
