I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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