Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
