Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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