his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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