I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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