I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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