I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
