Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
third nipple confirmed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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