y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
