OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
