a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
