I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
