Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
