And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
