think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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