Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
