Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
