she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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