You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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