Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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