i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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