why didn't you poke me back
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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