I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
