this beer tastes like vomit already
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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