so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
