Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
