I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How does it feel to date your dad?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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