it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize