I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
