So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
