are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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