can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
