Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
