Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Porn is love you can see.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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