Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
