i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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