I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
